BY GEORGIA GRELLEIR
Welcome back to Story Time with Georgia, where I relay little stories from members of the CC community. If you attempt to purchase Greenland, go metal detecting, or do something else of that nature, shoot me an email.
WHO: Eliana Secunda ’22
WHEN: July 2015
Freshman year of high school is peak awkwardness for most of us, and somehow, freshman relationships manage to make it even more awkward. Poor Eliana Secunda ’22 of Boulder, Colo., was both a freshman and in a relationship when she decided to tag along with her boyfriend to his grandpa’s 90th birthday party in Tulsa, Okla.
Secunda’s boyfriend at the time, Carson, was a family friend and she knew his mom well, but the other 10 adults at this very intimate gathering were strangers. At 14, I myself simply did not have the social skills for this kind of thing, so I commend Secunda for having taken on the challenge. “It was already weird because I was a freshman visiting my boyfriend, and also my sister was in the hospital,” Secunda told me, but there’s nothing like a 90th birthday party to rearrange your priorities.
This was a midday event, so Secunda and her new 12 closest friends were seated at lunch when she realized she urgently needed to go number two. Carson had left five minutes prior to change for a job interview or something, so Secunda could finally ask where the restroom was without revealing to him that girls do actually poop. Although self-conscious about defecating in her boyfriend’s grandpa’s house where the door was only semi soundproof, she took her time and washed her hands for a full 20 seconds before reaching for the doorknob.
This doorknob, however, had other plans. It turned, but the door didn’t budge, and Secunda realized that she was very much “super locked in there.” She spent the next five minutes really making sure the doorknob wasn’t working, but rather than alerting her fellow guests to her predicament, she stood on the toilet to test out a window escape option. At this point, she had been in the bathroom for an awkwardly long time, but it seemed even more awkward to start banging on the door. She even considered calling Carson, but still wasn’t ready to admit that girls poop.
Around the 20-minute mark, Carson’s mom, Dana, knocked on the door with a, “Sweetie, are you ok?” Secunda explained her predicament through the door, and soon enough Carson’s freshly-turned-90 grandpa hobbled over with his toolbox and started removing the entire door from the hinges. Adding to her mortification, word had already traveled to her mom, who called to give her a little “Oh my god, it’s his birthday, that’s so mean” talk. To top the whole thing off, Secunda’s first glimpse of freedom from the bathroom was 11 adults “just staring” at her. This happened to be the exact same moment that her boyfriend walked back into the party. Carson’s grandpa’s house may have lost a door that day, but Secunda gained trust issues with bathroom locks — a much worse fate.
Takeaway: Bust down, Eliana.