By Georgia Grelleir
Welcome back to Story Time with Georgia, where I relay weird stories from members of the CC community. Shoot me an email at email@example.com if you want to be Catalyst-column famous.
Who: Caroline ’20
When: 2014 or so
Caroline ’20 was used to her mother openly fantasizing about her mother’s high school ex-boyfriend. This ex-boyfriend, whom we shall refer to as Alex, was, according to Caroline, “all [her mom] talked about.” He was a class clown, seemed perfect, and was “the kind of guy who would dress up in a clown costume at an intersection and direct traffic at night after the stop lights were out.” Swoon.
It’s worth mentioning that, although not openly affectionate toward one another, and despite Caroline’s mother’s lingering passion for her former lover, Caroline’s parents were and are happily married. Weird, I know.
One day in early high school, her mother brought her to Fresh Market, a local bougie supermarket chain. Her mother doesn’t cook, but likes to have vegetables on hand for decoration, so they were briefly separated while Caroline set out to find actual snacks. She quickly realized that she’d lost track of her mom, but could still hear her distinct cackle, and followed the sound up to the registers in the front of the store.
“My mom flirts with everyone,” Caroline told me, and this situation was no exception. She found her mother flirting with a plump man working one of the registers. When she approached the two, her mom introduced her to none other than Alex, the infamous yet perfect ex-boyfriend Caroline had heard so much about. He greeted her with a weird “hi sweetie” before asking what had happened to her finger. Things did not get less strange from here: confused, Caroline extended her finger to show him that it was completely normal. In response, Alex proceeded to bite it. He literally opened his mouth and put his teeth on her finger “with a crazed look in his eyes.”
Needless to say, Caroline’s family has since taken every story her mom tells about Alex with not a grain, but a jar, of salt. Although he clearly who does not understand social boundaries, her mom maintains that he was the best high school boyfriend ever, from which Caroline has perfected the dramatic eye-roll.
Takeaway: There’s nothing like meeting your mom’s high school ex-boyfriend to give you a greater appreciation for not having your fingers bitten by people you’ve just met, so shout out to Alex for making all of us more grateful for the non-finger biting acquaintances in our lives. Keep up the good work, everyone (except Alex, obviously).