Welcome back to Story Time with Georgia, where I relay odd little tales from members of the Colorado College community. Tell me about the time you hugged someone from behind because you thought they were your friend but they weren’t, or you watched a random couple dramatically break up in Tutt Library, or you accidentally killed the health inspector after a long day of flipping Krabby Patties. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Who: Danny Corrigan ’21 and Thad Allen ’21
When: Spring Break 2018
What: Bryan Might Be Evil
“Thad, I think *Bryan is evil,” Danny Corrigan ’21 told Thad Allen ’21 as the two left a dinner party hosted by Allen’s extended family.
It was Spring Break 2018, and Allen and Corrigan were staying with Allen’s grandparents, Jack and Tina, in Colorado. It was a week spent skiing, and “having a jolly time,” as Allen put it. Then one night, they attended an extended Allen family dinner party. It was at the home of Allen’s “Uncle” Bryan, a by-marriage relation who isn’t really his uncle but also needlessly complicated to explain.
In the dining room, Uncle Bryan sat at the head of one of those long, classic dinner party tables, and “Danny somehow got put right next to him.” Although Corrigan had “heard a lot about Bryan” prior to this event, he was not prepared to sit right next to him. As the spaghetti dinner progressed, Allen observed Corrigan and Bryan getting “lost in enthralling conversation.”
Bryan mentioned that he was a lawyer, and Corrigan brought up his interest in law. He “thought it was pretty cool” that Bryan had argued in front of the Supreme Court twice and won, and asked what else he had done — “else” meaning other types of law. With a ruler-straight face and a total misinterpretation of the question, Bryan told him, “Combat. I killed a lot of people.” Then, he bellowed with laughter for a while. Corrigan laughed along “out of discomfort.” For the rest of their approximately 90-minute conversation, they discussed “mostly killing people and hating liberals. That’s what [Bryan] was about.”
The dinner wound down, and Allen and Corrigan departed for Allen’s grandparents’ house. As they drove back, Allen asked Corrigan what he’d thought of Uncle Bryan. Corrigan looked at him solemnly. “Thad, I think Bryan is evil,” Corrigan said. “He kept telling me about the war and how many people he killed and how much he enjoyed it.” This might’ve been good evidence, except for the fact that Thad responded, “Danny, I don’t think he was ever in any war.” He was not.
Despite his “tendency to tell preposterous lies,” and the fact that “he likes to lie to people — that’s his thing,” Allen ultimately conjectured that “you know, Bryan might really be evil.” Although Allen was unable to confirm or deny the Supreme Court thing, he does know that Bryan proudly defends oil companies for a living. Corrigan also vaguely recalled Bryan telling him that he put two fish in his backyard pond so that he could go fishing, which isn’t a moral issue but still weird and maybe a lie.
Takeaway: Bryan is evil?