Apple Maps: Rotten to the Core

Apple computers, phones, and tablets have invaded our world like creepy squirrels on the Colorado College’s campus. Flip phones, Sidekicks, and the formerly popular Razor phone are prehistoric artifacts to young children. Apple has clearly created a monopoly in a clever manner; their products have become a kind of religion. Clearly, Apple has their stuff together. They have mastered obtaining consumer’s money like no other company. However, despite their unwavering fan base, their map system, Apple Maps, is just terrible. So, I cannot help but think that perhaps Apple has purposefully created a poor mapping system as just another way to take control over consumers.

Cartoon by Cate Johnson

The other day I attempted to drive to Trader Joe’s. Apple Maps calculated a 30-minute route to Trader Joe’s. Trader Joe’s is, at the very most, 15 minutes away. It was the correct location, but Apple Maps truly mapped me on and off the highway three times. It had me exit, go in a circle, and get back on three times. I probably drove an extra 10 miles playing Apple Maps’ little game.

My first theory is that Apple has secretly partnered with the gas industry. Perhaps they are purposely making me drive in circles in order to help out their pals working over in gas. My excursion to Trader Joe’s was not the first time Maps has sent me in endless cyclical journeys. Maps has directed me in circles around blocks multiple times, making me drive slightly longer than any person needs to in order to end at my final destination. Who knows how much extra money I have spent on gas as a result.

Apple Maps also has a tendency to be inaccurate. It will sometime tell me I have arrived at my location as far as a mile before I have actually arrived. So, my second theory is that while Apple continues to advance their technology, they are worried about how obsessed consumers are becoming with screens. While they would never attempt to turn a customer away from their products, if they make maps slightly inaccurate, they force customers to walk further distances. If this happens to be the case, I would say nice job, Apple; people should be walking more!

When using Apple Maps, I’ll try to type in a general name like Walgreens or the beginning of an address, and it will give me the options to map myself both out of the state and country. Believe it or not, Apple Maps, if I am in Illinois, typing in “1601,” I am attempting to travel within state lines, not all the way to Budapest. That would be a difficult drive. So, my third theory is that Apple would like the world to go back to the Paleozoic areas when Pangea existed. Apple would like all the continents to be one again. Apple is bitter about the fact they all split up in the first place. If this is the case, I would like to tell Apple to get over themselves. Similar to humans, the world evolves.

My last theory is that whoever is in charge of Apple Maps is just a cruel human. They enjoy laughing at people driving in circles, walking long distances, and mapping themselves to other continents and countries. Perhaps Apple would not agree with any of theories listed above. And, if that is the case, that is totally fine. But then I am expecting a full-fledged acceptance from Apple of their mapping failure.

Caroline Williams

Caroline Williams

Caroline Williams

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