Introducing Colorado College’s “Finest” Bachelors

Several days ago, my editor suggested that, for this column, I let myself go to full-blown nepotism and use this forum as a way to gas my friends up—as if I didn’t already. It is Block 8, after all. With that in mind, I am going to run a little dating column this week, because there are no rules. What are they gonna do, fire me for Block 8? Please don’t, though.

For contestant number 1, let’s take a gander at a training room regular. Standing at somewhere around seven feet with a confidence of someone standing around seven inches, it’s Senior Robbie Stern. Is he talking to you? Is he talking to the floor beside you? It’s unclear. But what is clear though, is this jolly giant’s gentle ways. Find yourself with this hunk, and I can already hear the doorbell ringing as he delivers you food in the morning. He doesn’t know I’m writing this, so please nobody show him.

No list of available singles would be complete without mentioning Senior Matt Rockwell. If you choose to hang out with this lucky guy, you will never hear him complain. You actually won’t hear anything, as he will literally deafen you in short time. This fellow smells just as good as he looks, especially when he looks like an old head of cabbage. Better at catching fish than he is at catching women, this young man can be found haunting your local Sonic or asleep in the middle of your next soirée.

And of course, who could forget Billy Hutchison. A first-year at Colorado College, this garrulous boy is really something else. He can talk about everything, but for the love of God, don’t tempt him because he might do it. The only person since Jason Mraz to un-ironically wear a straw fedora, Hutchison has a certain “je ne sais quoi.” It could be his Connecticut background, but something about him screams ‘I like to go to country clubs and get kicked out for dancing on the bar.’ A catch truly unlike any other.

Now for my favorite contestant—Sophomore Ben Sudduth. Although the kid currently has a broken leg, his smile exudes chivalry and charm. He may be on the quiet side, but his brain oozes with philosophical curiosities and general empathy. He’s a catch!

Let me introduce junior Jack Ammons. Sometimes confused for one of the Keebler elves, this kid will really butter your muffin. Don’t let that charming smile disarm you; this one can boogie down with the rest of them. His smile is infectious, standing out like a diamond in an otherwise extremely bleak bucket of dirt. What a rascal. He can be found at any McDonald’s Play Place in the greater Colorado Springs area.

As always, my email is available for more information. Watch out for these young singles in your area, and remember to be awesome to each other while you’re at it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *